Good Mommy or Bad Mommy - take the test

So apparently talking on your cell-phone and using a stroller past the time your child knows how to walk, makes you a bad mommy. Or so Jane Brody of the NY times says. Apparently where she lives in Brooklyn, all the moms are pushing their babies and older toddlers in strollers while talking on their Blackberries or listening to their iPods and ignoring/neglecting their children.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/29/health/29brod.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&ref=health

I think Ms. Brody is a little out of touch (taking a child who JUST learned how to walk to the mall or an airport WITHOUT a stroller is mommy suicide, and when she had young children there were no cellphones or mp3 players, so how can she know she would be any different?) 

But this is not the only thing that makes mommies bad. All you have to do is read a parenting magazine, talk to your doctor, have a discussion with your mom or mother-in-law, or talk to another mother, and you will feel bad about how you parent.

So here is the test: GOOD MOMMY OR BAD MOMMY

#1. Where does your child sleep

a)crib/his own bed

b)co-sleep

#2. Did you 

a)Breastfeed 

or 

b)Formula feed?

#3. What do your feed your child

a)pre-packed meals, store bought babyfood

b)home cooked organic meals

#4. Do you

a)vaccinate your children

or

b)not vaccinate your children

#5. How often is your child in daycare?

a)never, I am a stay at home mom

b)very rarely, I work part time

c)Monday-Friday, 8am-5pm

d)never, I have a nanny

#6. Are you

a)a single parent

or

b)a married/common law parent

Results:

#1. Where does your child sleep

a)crib/his own bed - BAD MOMMY

How can you leave your child alone all night or put them in a sleep cage. Your child will have separation issues and will always have sleeping issues.

b)co-sleep - BAD MOMMY

How selfish of you to bring your child to bed with you. You could roll and smother your child at any time and you severely hurt your personal/sexual life when your child in in your bed. A bed is for sleep and sex, not a resting place for the entire family.

#2. Did/Do you 

a)Breastfeed - BAD MOMMY

While you did pass on some healthy food and immunities to your child, you forced them into an unhealthy bond with you. These children will have severe separation anxiety and will have concentration issues in school

b)Formula feed? - BAD MOMMY

How could you be so selfish and not breastfeed? You would rather feed your child artificially created food than latch a baby onto your breast? (that IS what it is there for) Your children will obese and be less intelligent than breastfed babies

#3. What do your feed your child

a)pre-packed meals, store bought babyfood - BAD MOMMY

You stock your child full of preservatives and second rate food. Your child will either be malnourished, lack essential vitamins or be obese.

b)home cooked organic meals - BAD MOMMY

You waste all your time cooking instead of playing and teaching your children. You also create picky eaters when you only feed a small variation of foods.

#4. Do you

a)vaccinate your children - BAD MOMMY

You put your child at risk for Autism! You sadistic woman!

b)not vaccinate your children - BAD MOMMY

You are the reason disease and sickness spreads across the world.

#5. How often is your child in daycare?

a)never, I am a stay at home mom - BAD MOMMY

Your child will not be properly socialized and will have an unhealthy attachment to you.

b)rarely, I work part time - BAD MOMMY

Your child will have severe separation issues and they never know when you will be with them or when you won't, or how long you will be gone.

c)Monday-Friday, 8am-5pm - BAD MOMMY

Your child will grow up and not know you. This will lead to identity issues and they will have trouble forming loving bonds

d)never, I have a nanny - BAD MOMMY

Your child will grow to view your nanny as their motherly figure. They will not be able to form a loving bond with you.

#6. Are you

a)a single parent - BAD MOMMY

You do not give your child enough outlets for love, and introducing many different people into their lives (your dates) confuses them.

b)a married/common law parent - BAD MOMMY

You do not show by example that there are many different forms of a 'family'. You give them divided attention (between themselves and your spouse) and you no doubt-ably fight in front of them, which isn't healthy for children to view.

OK, so hopefully by now you realize that I made that whole quiz up. There is so much differing information out there that no matter what you do, you are damned if you do, damned if you don't. I think that as long as you raise a healthy, happy, social child that you are doing a good job. Don't let anyone sway you from what you think is the right thing to do for your child, because let's face it: YOU ARE THE MOM. You know what is best for your own child, and a comfortable, confident mommy is a GOOD mommy!!!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Dear Pycho Wench who emailed me about my blog, 

If you don't like what I have to say, DO NOT READ IT. Have a nice day!

 

 

 Sincerely, BitchyMommy

 

"FromName: Changed October 6 at 11:36am

Wow Sarah, quite the blog there. For someone who claims to be so grown up, it sure sounds like you rant like a teenager. How do you have the time to do this 'blog' anyway? Shouldn't you be watching Charlotte during the day? Never took you for a 'bitchy mommy' but I guess you have really changed since I have seen you last.

Anyway, take care and say hi to Tim for me. Hope to meet Charlotte next time I am in town

Name Changed"

Motherhoood - not everyone's a fan

I love my daughter. I love being at home with her, teaching her new things, seeing her smile, and stealing all the cuddles she can handle. But, some days, like days where there are no naps, lots of vomit, and crazy amounts of crying, I feel like running away and joining the circus! Children are a handful and they try you. Being a parent isn't for the faint of heart. But now, more than ever, there is help for mom's to come together and discuss everything mommy and maybe calm us down. My 'meeting place' is MomLogic (www.momlogic.com). It discusses everything a mom juggles: children, marriage/dating, recipes, the news, gossip, etc... 

Well, I visit this website several times a day to see if there are any new posts (yes I am addicted). Today I came across two lists that really peeked my interest (well three really).

Ten Reasons I Hate My Kids: 

http://www.momlogic.com/2008/06/why_i_hate_my_kids.php 

(10. I used to really like to have sex--that's how I managed to pop out two kids in the first place. Now I'm so tired, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.)

Ten MORE Reasons I Hate My Kids:

http://www.momlogic.com/2008/09/10_more_reasons_i_hate_my_kids.php

(6. "Adventure" travel has been reduced to attempting to navigate two cranky kids through Costco without having a nervous breakdown.)

Top Ten Best Things About Having Kids:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/top-ten-best-things-about-having-kids-255485/

(1. Little kisses from little lips that are wet, sticky and filled with an unabashed love of YOU.)

Now these lists made me giggle, aside from the fact 'hate' is used in the title (dislike would have been SO much better), but a lot of readers seemed to think that you can only either love or hate your kids. Not true! Haven't you ever heard the saying "I love you, I just don't like you right now"?? MOST parents love their children unconditionally, and would do anything for them (good parents anyway), but they can also be annoyed by what their children do! With any other job you can take a break, but not with Parenthood! It is a full time job for at least 18 years, and then only slightly tapers off, OF COURSE people have their 'I HATE THIS' moments!

Anyway, those 'top tens' gave me inspiration to write two of my own lists! ENJOY...

Ten Reasons I DISLIKE Having Children:

#10 - Getting out the door takes at least an hour. Gone are the days of spontaneity

#9 - All the gear. Our condo and car are completely covered in our daughters stuff...

#8 - Poop. I don't think that needs an explaination

#7 - SO. MUCH. LAUNDRY.

#6 - Mommy Brain. Did you know that it is medically proven you get stupider with each child you have, and that 'pregnant brain' doesn't begin to go away until your youngest child is 5? Also, women get even stupid when they look at their children/see pictures of them

#5 - Other Moms. Motherhood is the most competitive job there is. Frankly, it makes me sick when moms pit their children against one another. Get over it, all kids are different.

 #4 - The smell of baby food. How can peas smell so awful? YUCK!

#3 - NO SLEEP. When their babies they never sleep, when they are young they want to get up early to play, and when they are teenagers you are so worried about them you can't sleep!

#2 - Stains on all my clothes. Carrots and formula stains are a punishment from the gods for people who 'bump uglies' and reproduce!

#1 - Have I mentioned poop yet?

Ten Reasons I LOVE Having Children:

#10 - Hugs. Kisses. Cuddles. 

#9 - TOYS!!! Now I have an excuse to play!

#8 - Cartoons! Come on, everyone loves animation! My favorite movie is Disney's 'Beauty & the Beast', and now I don't have to feel guilty for loving it!!

#7 - Unconditional Love. I have never loved anyone like I love my daughter. She is the puppet master of my heart. And she loves me even when I look like crap... Trust me, this was a match made in heaven!

#6 - Cute Clothes! Children have the cutest clothes and shoes! Honestly, if I had the money, I'd buy every cute dress, shirt, and pair of rubber boots there ever was!

#5 - Photo Ops!  I love taking photos, and my daughter is always willing to oblige me. She is incredibly photogenic, and I love to show her off!

#4 - It has brought my husband and I closer together. Seeing ourselves in our daughter makes us love each other even more.

#3 - The Parking. Almost everywhere has expectant mother and families with young children parking! We don't need a blue tag, we just need a carseat!

#2 - An excuse to get out of any engagement. If there is something my husband and I don't want to do, the 'baby card' can always be used. "Oh, sorry, dinner won't work. Charlotte goes to bed at 8". It is true... but we could easily get a sitter. 

#1 - OH MY GOD THE LOVE. I know I said this already, but it is so true. I wish I could keep her forever. But I know one day she will grow up and have her own baby... but lets just hope it isn't for 25 years :)

Love isn't reserved for all the straight-folk

OK, so I just wrote a post about abortion -I know, a topic SO controversial it should never be discussed! LOL- so I figured I might as well talk about the second most controversial topic out there: HOMOSEXUALITY

A lot of people think they can make homosexuals disappear, but let's face it, homosexuality has been around FOREVER. In all cultures, their is some sort of documentation of it (be it negative or positive). A lot of people think homosexuality is a choice, but I say , who the hell would CHOOSE the persecution and ridicule that comes along with homosexuality (at least in Christian and Muslim cultures). 

And a lot of people think marriage and adoption should be off limits to homosexuals. This makes me sad. I simply do not see how being with someone of the same sex changes the love you feel in your heart, your ability to commit to someone for the rest of your life, or the ability to care for and nurture a child. 

When people say gay marriage negatively affects the sanctity of marriage, all I can do it laugh. When in the heterosexual population the divorce rate is 50% or higher in most states and provinces in North America, I think "the sanctity of marriage" got desecrated  a LONG time ago! Am I saying that gay couples should force ministers to marry them, "NO". Just as everyone has the freedom to love whomever they want, people have religious freedoms, and should not have to go against their beliefs just to make others happy. That said, non-denominational and civil ceremonies should be available for all people to join together in love.

When it is said that homosexuals are unfit to raise children, again, all I can do is laugh. With a higher than ever number of single parent households and orphanages around the world busting at the seems, how can someone say that two people that are lovingly committed to one another could not lovingly raise a child? If one heterosexual can do it, why can't two homosexuals? Isn't it better for a child to grow up loved by two homosexuals than alone in an orphanage with no one who gives a rats ass about them?

Homosexuals are people who need all the same things everyone else does. Love isn't reserved for all the straight-folk. I just wish that everyone would realize love is love... I don't know why heterosexuals are so 'scared' of homosexuals anyway, it isn't like like they are going to kiss you and pass on "the gay"!

Parents who 'brainwash' their children make me SICK

"I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it" - Voltaire

 

I love that quote. I believe everyone should be able to have their say and believe whatever they want. 

 

People have to right to rally and protest and I truly think everyone should take advantage of that right at least once. I however think that only those the age of majority should be able to take part in this. If you aren't old enough to vote, you should not be allowed to take part in rallies/protests. The reason people can not vote until 18 is because before that age, most people are not mature enough to make up their own mind about such an important choice. I believe this should also apply to rallies/protests.

Ok, so your thinking, why does this woman care? What brought this on? Well this is what brought it on: A pro-life rally in Calgary

Now, I have to say, I am a Pro-Choicer, but like I said above, I believe everyone can believe whatever they want. If everyone believed what I believed, life wouldn't be as entertaining. I think that having signs SAYING your beliefs and rallying is a healthy expression of freedom of speech. I don't have to agree with your sign, and I can walk/drive right by you. If my daughter and/or my brothers are with me, they can pass without knowing what is really going on. However, when you have pictures on your signs, and have a truck that drives around with pictures of aborted fetuses on it (like the pro-life association in Calgary), you make it impossible for anyone, no matter how young, to not notice you.

 

Even though those pictures frustrate me, one thing upset me even more about this rally. Under-aged children as young as 4 were holding signs and shouting along side their parents!

From a parenting standpoint, how can someone justify showing their YOUNG children pictures of aborted fetuses, dead children, and killing Jews ON PURPOSE? That is just disturbing! And I can not even begin to understand how someone can train their young children to say some of the things these children were saying! 

Now correct me if I am wrong, but isn't the whole point of being a parent to raise a human to a point where they can survive on their own? To ensure they have the skills and tools to make it on their own? How can you know you've done this if you don't let your children make up their own minds about situations. Training a child to say, believe, or do anything from a young age ingrains it in them. Like saying "please and thank you" becomes second nature, so will "you go to hell if you have an abortion". Not exactly the most polite thing to say to someone in passing.

I FIRMLY believe that children are their own persons. They are not miniature versions of their parents. That means that they usually have similar morals as their parents, but also believe many different things. But, if we are indoctrinating children to believe exactly what we do from such a young age, are we doing anyone any favors? We only get progress when we raise progressive thinkers...

 

Shouldn't we as parents give our children all the possibilities available to them? Shouldn't we allow them to choose the best path for them? It seems that the group of pro-lifers in Calgary do not agree. Forcing beliefs on their children before they can even read is more their style.

Am I saying this is true for all pro-lifers? Of course not! My mother is pro-life, but she would never dream of bringing my brothers to such a rally.

 

 

Anyway, I could rant about this for years, but I should really stop. My main points are this: 

-if you can't vote, you shouldn't rally. 

-exposing young children to gruesome pictures is just plain wrong

-forcing beliefs on children only slows down the worlds progress and makes us all bad parents

Look, I know it is so bad to 'choose' anything, but I think we owe our children some choices...

 

 

  

In Laws

First off, let me STRESS: I LOVE MY IN LAWS. They took me in when I was having a bad time with my own parents, and they love my daughter to pieces. They can be odd at times (but I chalk that up to the time period they grew up in - drugs and disco were bad for EVERYONE), but they are lovely people.


Now that I have that out of the way, I can say that sometimes we don't see eye to eye. Maybe my parenting style is too different, maybe it's because they are hippies (they aren't really), or maybe it is simply that we are different people and people naturally disagree.


One particular day after my daughter was born, I was talking to an old friend (JULES COME BACK TO FACEBOOK I MISS YOU) about my mother in law. I don't even remember what my problem was, but obviously something rubbed me the wrong way. My friend laughed, and told me a horror story about her own MIL (screaming in the waiting room "YOU ARE STEALING MY BABY FROM ME" as my friend was delivering!!). And then she told me about a website that would never allow me to take my in laws for granted again. 


http://motherinlawhell.com


OMG! I don't know if these stories are made up or not, but either way, those stories make 90% of in laws look like kittens!! Honestly, from not allowing their daughter in laws to sit at the adult table at Thanksgiving dinner, to used nightshirts for Christmas, to holding babies before the parents get to, to stealing money!!! It is unbelievable! 

Like I said, I love my in laws, but I can't deny that I go to read the posts on that website, at least once a week to get my fill of crazy. Also, a lot of it is funny. How needs enemies when you have family?!?

10 Reasons I Probably Don't Like You

I have to say, I actually do like most people. But there are quite a few people out there that drive me mental!

#1 - You touch my baby: My daughter is 8 months old and adorable, I know this. But she is MY baby. I don't appreciate it when people I don't know touch her. I don't know if you just sneezed in your hands or forgot to wash after using the bathroom. I don't know if you just ate something she is allergic to. I simply don't know you, so don't touch my offspring.

#2 - You think I am too young to have a baby: I am 22, not 12. I am married. My husband and I wanted a baby VERY badly. I am of a belief that age doesn't dictate how well you can love and care for someone. And honestly, you can say what you want, but I know I am probably a better mother than you anyway.

#3 -  You think you can steal my husband away: Honestly, all I can say is "HA"... if you come to my house and see my husband and I "after hours" and you STILL think you can 'steal' him, you are crazy!

#4 - You put your child on a leash: It's a child, not a dog... if you want to do that with your hubby, go ahead, but in the privacy of your bedroom please

#5 - You aren't polite: Please & Thank You, opening the door for someone with full hands, RSVPing, and speaking the language of the country you are in is good. Being a ass-wipe is not

#6 - You think playing keyboards, guitar, or any other instrument makes you cool: It doesn't. There is a reason you aren't playing on the radio... you aren't good

#7 - You make jokes about child abuse and spousal abuse: It isn't funny... if I punch you in the face, will you laugh at that?

#8 - You're a natural health nut: Eating a cookie every now and then won't hurt you. However trying to treat serious illnesses with roots and 'prayer' will...

#9 - You can't park between the lines: If you park like an idiot, I can't get out of my vehicle, or remove my daughter's car-seat. You make me want to key your car.

#10 - Your a 'Hipster': Wearing clothes that look like they came out of your parents closet back in the 80's isn't cool. It makes you look like your poor. Honestly, buy some timeless pieces, or clothes that make you look good. Oh, and leggings ARE NOT PANTS!!